#96 Firewalker

IMDB Link

Plot:

Max Donigan sets off on a treasure hunt with his friend Leo and newly-acquired partner Patricia, who provided the treasure map. Along the way they encounter a few bar fights, evil "coyotes", and other obstacles they are able to overcome with ease. When the find the temple with the treasure of gold, they also find the Firewalker, who wants to retain the power of his ancestors and put an end to the trio's treasure hunt. In the end, Max and his two friends persevere and return home wealthy.

A User Review:

Max Donigan and his partner Leo Porter are two soldiers of fortune. Leo is thinking of calling it quits, but when a young lady, Patricia comes by with a map and asks for their help of finding a lost treasure. They take up the task with adventurous results and must face El Coyote, a descendant of Indian priests.

What a team! Chuck Norris, Lou Gossett and Melody Anderson gave this buddy flick much-added spark with their cheerful banter and charismatic persona. "Firewalker" does go for that "Raiders of the Lost Ark" appeal, but only in small doses and in a very cheap foray. The comic book premise is outrageously silly and pure corn, but it's an eventful ride with spontaneous actions making it unpredictable and the mockery was a nice touch. It even walks a fine line between the supernatural / superstitious elements. There's not doubt it's quite childish, far-fetched and it might not be a successful blend, but director J Lee Thompson makes great use of the fiery performances, easy-going script (even though it will make you roll your eyes for most part) and stunning locations, which kept me involved. It took a while before Norris released those infamous skills he bestows, but when in the flow. Watch the damage occur! As Norris is on the job. Gossett chips in with nice array of wisecracks and the two formed a great, side-splitting and believable team. Anderson simply radiates in her quirky role. Sonny Landham makes one hammy villain with a hokey evil laugh. At best these are cartoonish characters with a lot of charm and a growing appeal.

It maybe wasn't as fun as I remembered it to be when I saw it ages ago, but it's a enjoyably lightweight and unpretentious romp with Norris kicking in with his slow motion jump kicks. Oh yeah!

Trivia:

This is 'Aaron Norris' (Chuck Norris' brother) last film as a stunt coordinator. He began his career as a director with his next film, his brother's Braddock: Missing in Action III.

Poster:



Trailer:

#95 Burnt Offerings

IMDB Link

Plot:

Haunted house chiller from Dan Curtis has Oliver Reed and Karen Black as summer caretakers moving into gothic house with their young son. The catch? The house rejuvenates a part of itself with each death that occurs on its premises.

A User Review:

"Burnt Offerings" has an interesting premise that takes far too long to explain. A family moves into a house that seems to have a life of its own. Simple and direct. The film, however, at almost 2 hours in length takes its sweet time to get things going only to reach a "surprise" ending which, I will admit, is a bit spooky, but is easy to guess long before it is revealed.

The performances by Karen Black and, especially, Oliver Reed make this film worth watching. There is a scene where Reed puts on a pair of glasses he has found at the bottom of a swimming pool. His son is in the pool with him and soon Reed seems possessed and starts playing with his son a little too rough until it appears Reed may be trying to kill him. Watch Reed closely in this scene and you can see how he is being taken over but is fighting it. He seems to be enjoying hurting his son at the same time that he is trying to stop himself. It's a strong performance in a mediocre film.

Trivia:

In the commentary with director Dan Curtis, he says that he actually read the novel 'Burnt Offerings' years before he got the offer to direct this film. Curtis said that he hated the open-ended conclusion of the novel and at the time thought to himself that he would pity anyone who would attempt to make it into a movie. Ironically years later the offer to direct the movie version of the novel came to him and the first thing he did was write an ending that he liked - the one featured in the film.

Poster:



Trailer:

#94 The Devils Rain

IMDB Link

Plot:

A bunch of Satanists in the American rural landscape have terrible powers which enable them to melt their victims. However one of the children of an earlier victim vows to destroy them.

A User Review:

This is what I call a fun film. It's so bad, its good.

It's not supposed to be funny, but you cannot help but laugh. William Shatner kicks royal butt in this for his performance is the funniest...well, I'll be honest, he's running neck and neck with Ernest Borgnine. Early, early performance of John Travolta is to die for. This is a film that you rent, get a big bowl of buttered popcorn with lots of water/soda and just enjoy it for schlock's sake. You know this film was about nothing but a paycheck for everyone in it.

But I must give credit where credit is due. I love watching the 'melting' scene. Loads of fun. This is good entertainment from the "who green lighted this mess?" area of your brain. This was no "The Exorcist" but remember around this time, everyone wanted to do a "devil" film. This one is just funny and in a not supposed to be funny way!

Trivia:

John Travolta's feature film debut.

Poster:



Trailer:

#93 My Name Is Bruce

IMDB Link

Plot:

Four teenage kids from the tiny mining town of Gold Lick vandalize a nineteen-century cemetery of Chinese laborers when one of them disturbs a demon who's been guarding the souls of 100 workers killed in a cave-in. Jeff, the surviving teen, goes in search of his hero, over-the-hill B-movie star, Bruce Campbell. Jeff kidnaps the actor and brings him to Gold Lick to save the town. Bruce thinks it's a birthday treat engineered by his agent, so he plays along, humoring the townsfolk and chatting up Jeff's unimpressed mom. Bodies pile up as the demon slashes. What will the sorry, boozy Bruce do when he realizes that Guan-Di, the demon, is for real?

A User Review:

Bruce Campbell is called to Gold Lick to fight the evil Chinese war god Guan-di after one of his biggest fans, Jeff, awakens the demon and mistakenly believes that Bruce would know how to fight such creatures. Campbell accepts, but only because he believes the entire thing to be a movie shoot.

Not surprisingly, there is going to be two groups of people for this film: the die-hard Campbell fans who love it, and the others. The others might like it, they might hate it, but they'll be left cold if they realize the jokes aren't meant for them. The film really has no solid plot (it's been done before...) and the acting isn't great... and the jokes are, at best, average.

Campbell's actor friends show up: Timothy Patrick Quill, Ted Raimi, Dan Hicks and even Ellen Sandweiss. Some of the in-jokes are slightly clever (having Sandweiss play "Cheryl", the same character's name she had in "Evil Dead") while others are just too blunt and insult the audience's intelligence. Other references such as "I worked with Sam Raimi" just seem thrown in for good measure. I understand the point was to reference Campbell's past films, but it wasn't subtle at all and seemed poorly thought out.

Bruce Campbell is Bruce Campbell, so if you like him, you will like this film. That's pretty much all there is to say about that. He directed it, he stars in it and he had a strong guiding hand in the writing process. You get the best of Campbell and the worst in this film... and don't forget for every good Campbell film ("Army of Darkness") there are at least two bad films.

I had the privilege of catching a screening in Madison with Campbell himself on hand for questions and answers. This really made the experience special, but did not make me feel any better about the film. The audience generally seemed to laugh more than I did, so maybe I'm in the minority. But when Bruce answered questions, he didn't offer any reassurance that he cared much about the film... if anything, his appearance seemed to suggest he felt he couldn't sell tickets without a gimmick.

I received a DVD copy in the mail as part of my reviewing duties, and gave it a second viewing. In all fairness, I en joyed the film much more the second time, having a better sense of what sort of humor and style the film would be going for. My suggestion is this: if you're a Campbell fan, pick up a copy. If not, you'll want to see other Campbell films first to really appreciate this one. Luckily for the people who made this film, there are plenty of Bruce Campbell fans to see this one with a smile on their face.

Trivia:

The movie references Bruce Campbell's fake-memoir novel 'Make Love (The Bruce Campbell Way)' published in 2005 several times. On the set of Cavealien 2, the actor Bruce sits down next to after the shoot is reading "The Complete Dummie's Guide to Acting", mentioned and pictured in 'Make love' on several occasions. In Jeff's room, there is a poster for the fictitious Bruce Campbell movie 'Death of the Dead'. This movie plays a prominent role in the plot of 'Make love'. The poster as shown in the movie was originally featured as an image in the book.

Poster:



Trailer:

#92 Sorceress

IMDB Link

Plot:

To maintain his powers, the evil wizard Traigon must sacrifice his firstborn child to the god Caligara. His wife, however, has other ideas and runs away after giving birth with her twin daughters. Before dying, she hands the girls over to the warrior Krona who promises to raise them as great soldiers. Twenty years later, Traigon returns and begins hunting down his daughters once again. Will the twins, with the help of the Barbarian Erlik and the Viking Baldar, be able to defeat their father?

A User Review:

There's so many bottom-barrel, schlock and obscurely minor sword and sorcery efforts that were being pump out after the success that was 'Conan the Barbarian (1982)'. This bargain basement production only caught my eye because of exploitation filmmaker Jack Hill ('The Big Bird Cage', The Big Doll House', 'Coffy' and 'Switchblade Sisters') being credited as producer. As for everything else, what else do you expect from something you just can't help but marvel at how bad and scrappy it is. Well bad films can still entertain, and 'Sorceress' fulfils that promise even if it's in an unintentional manner. Amateurish, crude and juvenile sums it up. But this kitsch quality amuses even with such stiff performances and a terribly dodgy script. That's the fun, as you got to make it up in some shape to cover up your restrictions. Just look at the out-of-this-world special effects. Primitive, but authentically animated… ah what a light-show of colours (the glowing eyes were pure magic) and walking corpses. Actually the latter isn't badly done. However some of the murky night sequences had you rubbing your eyes. But your vision soon comes back with the constant topless shots and a hilarious organism sequence courtesy of the fetchingly gorgeous twins Leigh Harris and Lynette Harris. Their acting left a lot to desire, but you can see why they were picked. The story (by Jim Wynorski) moves along, but doesn't really grip or leave a mark. As for the action, it's quite a stop and go affair with director Jack Hill's sloppy, but spirited execution. You'll find yourself snickering at it than anything else.

Trivia:

Most of the music was taken from James Horner's score for Battle Beyond the Stars

German Poster:



Trailer:

#91 They Live

IMDB Link

Plot:

Nada, a down-on-his-luck construction worker, discovers a pair of special sunglasses. Wearing them, he is able to see the world as it really is: people being bombarded by media and government with messages like "Stay Asleep", "No Imagination", "Submit to Authority". Even scarier is that he is able to see that some usually normal-looking people are in fact ugly aliens in charge of the massive campaign to keep humans subdued.

A User Review:

They Live. Where to begin? Yes, it is goofy. Yes the production value is very low. Yes the action is standard. The guns never empty. The fights are poorly choreographed at times. But that, my friends, is not the point.

This film was an attack on the Regan era. An attack on the rampant consumerism of the 80's. But open your mind. Saying that it's just an attack on the 80's is merely shutting your eyes. Telling yourself that things have gotten better. Sorry to disapoint you, but they haven't.

Rowdy Roddy Piper puts on some sunglasses. The world changes. Billboards now say Obey or Sleep. Or Marry and Reproduce. Magazines no longer have articles or advertisements. They are blank white pages with said phrases upon them. Money now are white pieces of paper that say This is Your God. Boy oh boy are they right.

So watch They Live. Grab some beer and score some corn. Enjoy the cheese. Enjoy the great one-liners. But also pay attention to the lines that sum up the truth. Remember the point of the film. Then go outside. Re-enter the corporate world outside your door.

Trivia:

The fight between Nada (Roddy Piper) and Frank (Keith David) was only supposed to last 20 seconds, but Piper and David decided to fight it out for real, only faking the hits to the face and groin. They rehearsed the fight for three weeks. Carpenter was so impressed he kept the 5 minute and 20 second scene intact.

Poster:




Trailer:

#90 Night Of The Cobra Woman

IMDB Link

Plot:

Horror story of a beautiful girl turns into a man-eating cobra.

A User Review:

Joy Bang plays a brilliant scientist (hold on a second--I have to stop laughing hysterically) who is in the Philipines doing research on snakes. Her dorky boyfriend comes to visit, for some reason bringing his pet falcon with him. He goes exploring in the jungle and his falcon ends up killing a snake--bad news since this was the sacred snake of a Filipino snake cult led by an African-American woman (Marlene Clark) who has been using snake venom to keep herself young ever since she was accidentally bitten by a snake while serving as a nurse during World War III. Problem is all this snake venom apparently causes her to turn into a snake (at least, I think--they kept this particular transformation offscreen, possibly as a homage to the original "Cat People", but more likely because this is a cheap-ass Filipino production). But speaking of asses, it is left up to the owner one of the nicest ones of the early 70's (Bang) to save the day after her boyfriend is seduced into some interracial ((and perhaps inter-special) lovin' by the evil cobra women.

Actually as Filipino productions go this isn't that bad. It has the same scruffy charm as the John Ashley/Eddie Romero "Blood Island" series and between Clark and Bang it almost approaches the T and A level of the Roger Corman/Jack Hill WIP films. It also seems to directed with a considerable amount of intelligence by someone who was clearly in on the joke (although being in on the joke is vastly overrated in my opinion). The acting is a little weak. Bang is a little miscast and not nearly as good as leading lady as she is as a character actor, and Marlene Clark is no Pam Grier (who really should have played this role). The interest of either of these women in the dipstick leading man is REALLY beyond me though.

Not great, but Filipino horror/exploitation fans at least will certainly want to check it out.

Trivia:

Filmed entirely on location in the Philippines

Poster:



Trailer / Video:

#89 Dark Rising

IMDB Link

Plot:

A broken heart, a battle axe, a demon and a lesbian ex-fiancée... Jason Parks' life goes from bad to worse as a series of supernatural events turn his dream of reconciliation with ex-fiancée Jasmine into a portal seeking, demon hunting nightmare...

A User Review:

This film has a very simple but somehow very bad plot. The entire movie is about a girl getting sucked through a gate to another dimension then years later it gets opened again by a witch while a group of friends (including the lead actor who is having trouble getting over his ex girlfriend who is one of the other campers along with her new partner... another girl... that's right they're lesbians and there is some nudity of course for no particular reason). Unfortunately demon follows the now adult girl back through. Also unfortunately, none of this is ever explained. Where exactly were they? Where did the demon come from? How did she survive as a child in a place full of evil demons? Who the hell trained her and made her a gladiator type outfit? The acting is terrible I think but it's hard to tell because the writing is so bad maybe there was just nothing they could do with it. I give it a three because the wrestler was pretty good and the effects were pretty fun even though they were very cheap. I would not recommend it, it wasn't quite bad enough to be funny.

Trivia:

Summer has a tracking device cut out of her back but for the rest of the movie there's no sign of an incision.

Poster:




Trailer:

#88 The Satanic Rites of Dracula

IMDB Link

Plot:

In London in the 1970s, Scotland Yard police investigators think they have uncovered a case of vampirism. They call in an expert vampire researcher named Van Helsing (a descendant of the great vampire-hunter himself, no less) to help them put a stop to these hideous crimes. It becomes apparent that the culprit is Count Dracula himself, disguised as a reclusive property developer, but secretly plotting to unleash a fatal virus upon the world.

A User Review:

The last of the Christopher Lee Dracula series [the Count would make one more brief return for Hammer in the guise of John Forbes-Robertson in The Legend Of The Seven Golden Vampires] is not exactly a success, but it's a good deal more interesting than the shoddy Dracula AD 1972. There are quite a few new ideas in this one, although they are not organised well and it does become a bit of a mess. However, dull it isn't, unlike the previous one.

We have satanists practising sacrificial rites, a mad scientist with a deadly virus, a Howard Hughes-type recluse who turns out to be....., biker assassins with guns, you name it. Much of it has an Avengers feel, and Dracula is unsurprisingly hardly in the film, with only one brief appearance until the final twenty minutes. There's more action than horror, but two vampire scenes in a cellar are well done. The effects of Dracula's death sequence are excellent, although the scene is silly, with this most accident prone of vampires simply walking into a rose bush.

Not really a good film, but kind of fun. It does suggest interesting pathways which Hammer might have taken the series if the response to this had not been so poor.

Trivia:

Final appearance of Christopher Lee as Dracula in the Hammer Dracula series.

Lobby Card:



Trailer:

#87 Split Second

IMDB Link

Plot:

In a futuristic London, the rising sea levels mean that large areas are under feet of water. Hauer plays a cop who previously lost his partner to some strange creature. Now the creature is back and its after him.

A User Review:

Let's face it: Hauer enjoys it. It's not about wasting his talent, it's about earning money doing fun stuff that people will watch over and over again through the years when it shows up on SciFi or Spike because it's tongue-in-cheek fare that makes no bones about being anything deeper or more meaningful than an alien's irrational fear of toilet paper.

Not everyone is going to watch 'Remains of the Day' at 2AM. There's a time for everything--for intellectual gratification, for aesthetic stimulation--and for just plain blowing the snot out of all things alien and toothy.

Trivia:

Kim Cattrall still has her hairdo (shaved off sideburns) from Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. This indicates, that the shooting of "Split Second" happened shortly after the completion of ST VI.

Poster:



Trailer:

#86 Damnation Alley

IMDB Link

Plot:

A small group of survivors at a military installation who survived World War 3 attempt to drive across the desolate wasteland to where they hope more survivors are living. Hopefully their specially built vehicles will protect them against the freakish weather mutated plant and animal life and other dangers along the way.

A User Review:

Based on the post-apocalyptic novel "Damnation Alley" by Roger Zelazny, the film version shares almost nothing with the book other than the title.

In the film, a band of World War III survivors from the 123rd Strategic Missile Wing in the California desert set out across a devastated America in an armored, 12-wheeled "Landmaster" vehicle in search of a faint radio signal from Albany, New York. Along the way, they encounter freak storms, ragged survivors, and yes, those infamous "killer cockroaches."

"Damnation Alley" definitely has its strong points, most notably the first 20 minutes, which features perhaps one of the most chilling depictions of the start of World War III , as the crew of the 123rd SMW watches helplessly as the war begins and ends in a matter of minutes before their eyes.

On the down side, the film also has a wealth of weak points, most of which are after the survivors begin their journey. Inane dialog, bizzare laser effects, and plot inconsistencies abound, as do wooden performances by George Peppard and Jan-Michael Vincent. Paul Winfield is the only standout in the film, and he is offed by the infamous "killer cockroaches" in a scene that leads to the best line of the film: "Tanner, this is Denton... This whole town is infested with killer cockroaches!!!"

It seems as if many scenes in the film that would have helped it play better may have been left on the cutting room floor (and in fact, publicity stills from the film do show scenes not included in the final release), and the inclusion of these scenes may have turned this mediocre film into something better.

Good idea, but poor execution.

Trivia:

The "Landmaster" later had a cameo in Chris Elliott's sitcom "Get a Life" in which it was an automatic newspaper-delivering machine (called the Paperboy 2000) that, of course, went haywire.

Poster:



Video:

#85 Archie's return to Riverdale

IMDB Link

Plot:

The classic comic book characters created by John L. Goldwater are brought to tv in a slightly older version. Here the characters are adults returning to their high school reunion and remembering old times and romances from good old Riverdale High.

A User Review:

When ever I travel I always buy Arche comics because they provide joyous laughs. Watching this movie a week ago made me realize that some comics shouldn't be made into movies. The cast mainly full of unknowns excepet for Lauren Holly. The plot revoles around the gang at their high school reunion. But where are Chuck and Dilton ? Another flaw is having the same charcters play each other when their 15 which is dumb. The film's low point comes when Jughead tries to rap. I would made this film when the gang was in high school and have them reunite at the end instead of baseing the whole around the reunion.

Trivia:

Jughead's real name is 'Forsythe Jones'

VHS Box Art:



Trailer:

#84 Red Surf

IMDB Link

Plot:

Remar and Attila are a couple of surfers who also deal drugs to make a living. They are trying to set up a final deal with local drug lord, Calavera, when their friend True Blue is busted by the cops. Blue talks too much in the police station and Calavera is out for revenge because of the betrayal.

A User Review:

Holy crap Batman! What are these other comments all about? This is quite possibly one of the worst films ever made. I'm not kidding. If you compare this film to Moontrap, you;ll find both are horrifically inept, but at least Moontrap has (unintentional) comedy to stand it apart. This film has absolutely nothing (spare George Clooney in an early role) to recommend it. Everything about it is apalling. The script - dire. The direction - fabulously inept. The editing- woeful. Everything is truly, truly bad. I'm not just speaking from the position of some uninformed punter either. I'm a film director, producer and editor myself, so I at least have some idea of what makes a competent film. (For reference, bandwagon as it may seem, see the Matrix as THE example of excellent action film-making) So to sum-up. Recently I saw Russian Ark at the cinema. A technical tour de force, to be sure, but one of the least entertaining pieces of cinema I've ever seen. I wanted to sever my own head half way through. But at least it had some merit. It was a huge technical achievement. Red Surf is equally head-severingly dull, but it has NOTHING to recommend it ( I take back George's early appearance- he has nothing to work with). This film will make you want to rip your own eyeballs out rather than sit through it. You have been warned. Good luck.

Trivia:

Directed and Co-Written by H. Gordon Boos (normally known as an assistant director)

Poster:



Trailer:

#83 Computer Beach Party

IMDB Link

Plot:

Greedy locals are trying to turn some beach property into a tourist attraction, and a computer expert sets out to use is knowledge of computers--along with the help of several local "beach bunnies"--to stop them.

A User Review:

This movie tries to cash in on the then-rising popularity of home computers and the waning teensploitation movement of the eighties. Cringe-worthy all the way. Half the thing is (badly) dubbed, and computers whose screens have about eight pixels are shown to be able to perform miraculous tasks. This is one of the three or four worst movies I have ever seen (along with the Ed Wood oeuvre and Baby Geniuses). I have to admit it appealed to the masochist in me.

Trivia:

Panther appears as themselves and play most of the songs in this movie.

VHS Box Art:



Trailer:

#82 Think Big

IMDB Link

Plot:

A teen genius (Ari Meyers) escapes from a teen think tank with the plans for a secret weapon. On the run, she stows aboard a truck driven by two slow-witted brothers (Peter and David Paul) who are transporting toxic waste across the country. Martin Mull also appears as the mentor of the think tank, Claudia Christian is the school's psychologist, and David Carradine is a repo man.

A User Review:

This movie is so bad it's....BAD! Not to say that I didn't enjoy it. Just looking at the Pauls' skimpy outfits with their steroid pumped torsos was quite a memorable experience. Their acting skills make one governor Schwarzenegger look like an Oscar winner. Occasionally you can see a look of disbelief on the faces of the now successful actors while in a frame with "dumb and dumber". I couldn't help but think how great an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 this would have made. With all that aside, it was a nice reminder that we all have the potential to be a muscle-bound, under- clothed, docile trucker WITH a twin to boot. My only question now is...was the movie title a reference to their bodies...or their hair?

Trivia:

Directed and co written by Jon Turteltaub

VHS box Art:



Trailer:

#81 Wizards of the Lost Kingdom

IMDB Link

Plot:

Simon, son of the king, must flee when the empire is overthrown by the evil Shurka. Schooled in the arts of magic, he must find the Ring of Magic and the Sword of Power and defeated the wizard who killed his father. He is joined in his quest by the swordmaster Kor, his faithful Chewbacca-clone Gulfax, and the Forest Wizard Hurla.

A User Review:

Although i am inclined to agree with the other comments made by people who have seen this movie, i am ashamed to say i rather like it. Not often can such a huge pile of 80s pap be found outside of a Wham! video, so it is most definitely worth a viewing (£0.79 a night in my local store!). Watch out for the insanely obvious seams and zip on the monster's costume, the fact that the 'hero' looks a lot like Keith Chegwin and such classic lines as the following: Evil Wizard-Type Bloke: "At last we meet Kor..." Kor: "Thrilling, isn't it?"

Amazing!!I also like the fact that although the video box looks quite exciting with images of a castle surrounded by raging seas and a dangerous falcon-like bird carrying a handsome hero to safety (among other such 'interesting and engaging' suggestions of what goes on in the actual film, none of them actually happen. No, I'm not joking...there really isn't a raging sea or a ferocious bird, it's just trying to make you interested...classic in my opinion. This film gets 10 for pure entertainment value!!

Trivia:

James Horner's score is lifted from Battle Beyond the Stars

Poster:



Trailer:

#80 Sidekicks

IMDB Link

Plot:

Barry is an asthmatic kid having trouble in life. He lives with his father, a computer programmer, in Texas. Barry is struggling to get by in life, dealing with his rough school life, bullies, as well as his health. Barry's only source of enjoyment is fantasizing that he is with Chuck Norris. Barry becomes sick of getting picked on by the bigger guys, and decides to learn karate, in hopes of one day meeting the great Chuck Norris.

A User Review:

This is intended to be sort of a martial arts drama for kids, but it is in fact one of the best unintentional comedies ever. Most really bad movies are just bad and will bore you and make you not want to watch anymore, but Sidekicks is entertaining throughout. Mako, the martial arts instructor, and Joe Piscopo, the evil rival dojo owner, are clearly in on the joke and really ham it up. Brandis and Norris generally play it straight, although I'd have to honestly wonder if Chuck knows how cheesy the stuff is, I'd imagine not, having made Walker Texas Ranger.

I will not spoil the ending, but it fits perfectly with the movie. Watch this one with a group of friends and/or on an intoxicating substance for best effect. Chuck fans and children will also love this, but don't expect a good movie or a plot and dialogue that make sense.

Trivia:

Chuck Norris did this film as a favor to his brother Aaron, who is the director of the film.

Poster:



Trailer:

#79 Masters of the Universe

IMDB Link

Plot:

The world of Eternia in the aftermath of Skeletor's war on Castle Grayskull, which he has won after seizing Grayskull and the surrounding city using a cosmic key developed by the Thenorian locksmith Gwildor. The Sorceress is now Skeletor's prisoner and he begins to drain her life-force as he waits for the moon of Eternia to align with the Great Eye of the Universe that will bestow god-like power upon him.

A User Review:

This movie could have been so much better, if it stuck to more of the original idea's from the movie (prince Adam, the king and Queen, more of the cartoon's villains) then we could have had a real classic on our hands, if only a lot more of the film was spent on eternia, as opposed to earth, maybe an extra half an hour showing Skeletors taking over of grayskull in full along with more scenes of He-man and co in Eternia.

BUT, what we are left with is still an effective movie whilst some of the characters fail to warm, i.e. Gwildor, Man-At-Arms, Teela and even He-man some of the others are great Meg Foster was perfect for the role of Evil-Lyn as was Courtney Cox and Robert Duncan McNiell as the young couple, Skeletors four henchman ranged from pretty good to poor, Blade was an excellent idea, and the Beastman was one of the only original elements from the cartoon to remain, but Saurod was awful and Karg was just irritating, but that said, they could have been worse

But of course the final mention on performances has to get a special paragraph to itself, a Truly Inspired piece of casting brought Frank Langella the part Skeletor, and if not for his truly wondrous showing then this film could have sunk without trace, his voice and mannerisms were awesome (nothing like the cartoon, but not a problem) and the delivery of some truly great lines such as 'I must possess all, or i possess NOTHING' or 'Everything comes to he who waits, and i have waited so very long for this moment' as well as his transformation into a god were stupifyingly amazing, a 10/10 for him.

Some of the action scenes were very good, whereas some were bad, its easy to see that the budget on this film was unwisely used, too much effort was used to make the cosmic key effective rather then having super cool henchman for skeletor (who were too much like darth vader's soldiers for me) i liked the air centurions though.

Trivia:

After the credits, Skeletor's head pops up from the lake and says, "I'll be back!" which sets the stage for a sequel that was never made. However, a script for a "Masters of the Universe" sequel was written, only to be re-written and become the script for the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie Cyborg.

Poster:



Trailer:

#78 Switchblade Sisters AKA the Jezebelles

IMDB Link

Plot:

The "Dagger Debs" are a gang of snarling girls, and Maggie is their newest member. Lace, the ever tooth-gritting leader, befriends her but soon has doubts --it seems Lace's man, Dominic, head of the "Silver Daggers" fancies the new recruit. Lace struggles to keep control of the Debs, and a handle on Nick, as they face off against the rival gang of pushers lead by Crabs.

A User Review:

Film focuses on two gangs--the Silver Daggers lead by Dominic (Asher Brauner) and the Dagger Debs lead by Dominic's girlfriend, Lace (Robbie Lee). A new girl in town Maggie (Joanne Nail) joins the Debs and becomes friends with Lace--but Dominic wants Maggie. Evil Deb Patch (Monica Gayle) knows this and manipulates Lace into hating Maggie. Also there's a rival gang, the Crabs, who are trying to take over.

Silly but very engaging trash movie--it's really an excellent movie OF ITS TYPE! There's prison fights, lesbian guards, rape, prostitution, feminism, politics, a black female gang and tons of violence and action. There's also a hilarious (and exciting) shoot out at a skating rink! There was a twist halfway through the movie that I didn't see coming and it all ends up with a climatic switchblade fight. I can honestly say I was never bored and enjoyed this thoroughly. The script is terrible but it never takes itself too seriously.

As for the acting--Brauner is OK as Dom; Nail is lousy as Maggie and Lee is TERRIBLE as Lace--easily one of the worst acting jobs I've ever seen in a movie (and that's saying something). Gayle was actually pretty good as Patch. Also of note is Kitty Bruce (Lenny Bruce's daughter) who's character (Donut) is treated like dirt.

The is NOT a good movie but an excellent trash film.

Trivia:

Director Jack Hill, when interviewed at the 1996 re-release of the film, pointed out that it did have some authenticity - he interviewed girl gang members and rewrote the script. "But the idea of doing a realistic movie about street gangs with beautiful blondes in hot pants was preposterous, so we tried to make it a wacky fantasy."

Poster:



Trailer:

#77 Torque

IMDB Link

Plot:

Biker Cary Ford is framed by an old rival and biker gang leader for the murder of another gang member who happens to be the brother of Trey (Ice Cube), leader of the most feared biker gang in the country. Ford is now on the run trying to clear his name from the murder with Trey and his gang looking for his blood.

A User Review:

A lot of people think that I love the "Charlie's Angels" movies because I think they're "so bad, they're good", when that's actually not true. On the contrary, I think they are pretty smart (especially in the precise way they constantly reference pop culture in clever and heartfelt ways). And yes, they are totally silly and unrealistic and goofy, but what I like about that is that it's completely intentional (which is what most people don't get, and is so obvious to me).

"Torque", on the other hand, is a perfect example of a movie that is TRULY so bad, it's good. Or at least enjoyable in a surreal, lunatic sort of way. This movie seriously doesn't have a brain in its head.

In every sense a B-movie, it most resembles those gleefully exploitive, low-budget movies that Roger Corman and Russ Meyer made decades ago, where biker gangs did battle with their switchblade-toting girlfriends at their side. And it's every bit as silly as it sounds, which could be either good news or bad news for you, depending on what kind of filmgoer you are.

Personally, I knew it was crap the whole time, but still had a blast watching it. The story is ridiculous and the dialogue is ludicrous (these characters exist in a world where when a girl says "Nice bike", the guy says "Nice a**" and she LIKES it). But I cannot fully resist a movie in which two improbably beautiful biker chicks stare each other down on their bikes in a photogenic, deserted alleyway (both of them in front of huge product logos, for extra giggles), one of them yells "Bring it on, b****!", the other whips out a switchblade, and then they charge! As a classic B-movie enthusiast, I offer no apologies for having fun watching a scene like that.

It's really not all bad, either. Martin Henderson and Monet Mazur have some genuinely nice and tender scenes together, and the great, color-conscious cinematography makes everything look so shiny you could eat off the screen. Jamie Pressly is an absolute hoot as the evil biker chick, and Adam Scott scores some laughs as a conceited F.B.I. agent.

Also, several of the action scenes are pretty amazing, once you get over the idea that this movie is obviously not taking place on planet Earth, but rather some video game universe or a 12 year-old's dream.

I wish Ice Cube was off doing the kinds of good movies he used to make (like "Three Kings", the original "Friday", "Boyz N The Hood", "Higher Learning", "Ghosts Of Mars"...), but he contributes some laughs as one of the heavies here. I do wish he had changed his expression at least once, though. You know the one where he grits his teeth and curls his upper lip so that he look like he hates your guts and steam is about to come out of his ears? That's the one that he has throughout the entire movie.

Basically, I'm not gonna fight for this movie or anything, I realize it's of essentially no value. I'll just say that it made it easy for me to shut off my brain and I enjoyed it, and maybe you will too.

Trivia:

Jesse James of West Coast Choppers and Monster Garage makes a cameo appearance in the scene where Ford and Shane are talking inside the tent. Two of his custom choppers are used later in the movie as the bikes Henry James' drugs are stored in.

Russian Poster:



Trailer: